This trip started out a little on the “stressful” side. We all arrived at the truck, loaded up our luggage, and when the moment came to actually kick off the engine – nothing! It sounded as though the batteries were very weak. I hooked up cables from my car to one of the batteries while Alan hooked up another set of cables from his car to another battery. It’s hard to believe that we would have three dead batteries!
We let it set for a few minutes and when I tried to crank it again, nothing. And this time, the low voltage actually locked up the starter. My next step was to call Tommy, our mechanic, and see what I could do. He suggested tapping on the starter while someone tried to crank it. I did, it unlocked the starter but the truck still didn’t crank. Another call to Tommy, and this time I asked if he could send someone over to check it out. My stress level was rising and I wasn’t getting anywhere.
I always have a difficult time understanding why these things happen. You see, everything on this truck is new – engine, pumps, fan clutch, belts, alternator, generator, etc. Nothing should keep it from cranking. When all else fails, pray, right? Well, I decided to walk about the parking lot and do just that – not in a “down on my knees” type of prayer, but just a conversation with God. The answer came fairly quickly to my mind – “Kevin, as much as you want to, you can’t control everything.” After a bit of an internal struggle, arguing with myself about how much I “need” to control things, I relented.
“Surrender” is not a word that fits well in my vocabulary. This morning I realized that, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, some things are completely out of my control…and I surrendered, not to the circumstance, but to the wisdom of relying more on God and less on myself. It was a conscious decision. Emotionally, I was immediately relieved but I still needed to get this truck started…and Tommy had someone on the way. I calmly walked over to the truck, reached in the window, turned the key, and it started as if nothing were wrong. I called Tommy and told him everything is okay. And we started our journey to Indiana.
Some lessons are difficult to learn. Recognizing that, if I’m going to call myself a Christ-follower, then I need to have more trust in Him and less in myself is a good place to start. It’s a daily decision and commitment…and one that I’m going to try to live out in my life.